Mastering Heartbreak & Acceptance of Self

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Dear Diary,

I have to be real, this week has been filled with intense emotions, anger, and primarily heartbreak.  I’m single. Again! Yes, you read that correctly, I started off this year on a high note, only to end up here a few short months later. Yet, and still, I’m expected to carry on with my day, attend work, care for myself and family all while feeling heartbroken.

I'm a 30-something-year-old woman, whose challenges with dating began in my late teens (most of which I’ve healed from), but since have acknowledged that at any age, we’re all stumbling our way through the dating game and this “love” thing.

It’s fair to say that my expectations of a “happily ever after” in no way meet my reality, and IT’S OKAY!

At this age, I thought that I would be married, maybe have a kid or two, and I would be working my way towards owning something.  A dream I’ve had since I was a little girl playing house on the playground. I mean, ALL of my best friends are currently living “my dream”, so it’s difficult not to question and wonder why everything I fantasized about has yet to manifest.

HER current reality is one where I’m cuddled up in a blanket in front of the computer, watching Grace & Frankie on Netflix, eating popcorn, and contemplating whether or not I’m going to rejoin Tinder, Bumble or whatever else will get me out of the house. This is not just HER reality, but the reality of so many women I know. The societal pressures to be, do and have all of the answers in a relationship is a real issue for most women.  The challenge really lies in a woman’s competing desire to be in a relationship versus her desire to not settle.

There is no correct way to move through life with or without a chosen partner.  And, fixed timelines should never be a determining factor of your worthiness to be in a relationship.  Generally, society tends to operate from a place of “lack”. For example, when a woman reaches a certain age and she does not “have” what society expects her to have, she’s seen as lacking or missing out in that area.  This is simply not the case. Relationships are difficult and these are matters that take time to develop for anyone. Additionally, social media and various dating apps have made it easier to date by opening up the selection of suitable matches, but creates an overwhelming sense of obligation to date someone “just because”.  

Here’s the thing, comparison entraps you mentally.  Relationships fall together or fall apart for different reasons, so comparing yourself to your peers, parents, or “rom-coms” isn’t going to cut it. The relationships and bonds you create are unique to yourself and your partner, so while you sit in singledom and master heartbreak. STOP. THROWING. PITTY. PARTIES.  During this time, do what the fuck you want to do. Take your time… being single is not the worst thing that can happen to you. In fact, HER reality was that I lost a part of myself in my last relationship and I realize that I did not heal from old wounds and even older patterns of being. I plan on using this time as a moment to rediscover HER, sit on my yoga mat, meditate, and even go on a date or two.  Whatever I end up doing, I plan to create a safe space for myself to mourn the loss of my relationship, and choose an experience where I surround myself with my friends, family and the things that truly make me happy!

xx Happy healing

 
HERHer Diary